Unveiling wedding secrets

The first time a foreigner attends a wedding in Vietnam, they are likely to be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of food at the reception and left confused about the customs preceding the event that are nothing like Western weddings.

Traditionally, it was widely believed that once a young man is 20 and a young woman is 18, they have reached the ideal age for marriage.

Nowadays, especially in the cities, young men are seen as e vo (on the shelf) when they reach 30, while young women are said to be e chong at a slightly younger age.

In the countryside, children of well-to-do parents tend to marry earlier because they know their parents will be able to support them during the first few years of their lives together.

Children from poorer families, on the other hand, must wait until they have saved enough money which means they often are past the ideal marriage age.

Vietnamese marriages aim to perpetuate the familyname and carry on the cult of ancestor worship. Happiness in old age comes when all of a couple's children are married and have had many children themselves.

These days, young Vietnamese women are no longer kept in their homes as they once were, and are free to study and work.

This means that when a young man takes a wife, she is likely to be a woman of his acquaintance and not someone arranged for him by his parents.

If a young man has not chosen a wife for himself, his parents may attempt to find one for him by employing the services of a matchmaker.

The young man's parents will often consult a fortune-teller to see whether the couple are destined to live together as husband and wife - and if so, he will formally request the young woman's hand.

The request is made by. a party comprising the young man's parents, or aunt and uncle if he is an orphan, and a go-between who go to meet the young woman's parents.

The party will bear gifts such as betel leaves and areca nuts, and ask what the family requires for their daughter to be wed.

A young woman's parents will often ask for a sum of money to cover the costs of the marriage preparations, such as the announcement, banquet, jewels and clothes for the bride.

Loaded with rings

Old women take it as their duty to prepare the best-looking areca nuts for their children's wedding.

The engagement ceremony is solemnly performed on an auspicious day of the lunar calendar. On that day, the young man will travel with his family to the young woman's house, where a banquet is held after formal rituals are performed before the ancestral altar.

Engagement ceremonies are a chance for the young woman's family to meet their future son-in-law.

Fortune-tellers are also called upon to set the date for the wedding, which can take place up to one year later.

If the fiancee or her family breaks off the engagement for any reason, all of the gifts must be returned to the young man's family. If he backs out before the big day, her family gets to keep the bounty.

On the wedding day itself, the bridegroom and his closest relatives arrives at his bride's home with more gifts. This ceremony is the most important of all, and relatives are invited to share in the couple's happiness.

In front of both families, the bride and groom perform traditional rites and bow down in front of the bride's ancestral altar, then before her parents and close relatives.

Very often, tears can be seen in the eyes of the bride, and only she and heaven know whether they are tears of joy or sadness.

The wedding feasts are now frequently held in hotels, as the bride's home may be too small to accommodate all of the wedding guests.

Tie a red ribbon

A women invites a wedding party guest to eat areca nut, the acceptance of which is seen as a prelude to small talk.

It is believed that the god of marriage is an old man who uses magic red strings to bind the hands of young people together under the moonlight.

To honour this tradition, a small rite known as le to hong (ceremony of the red-strings) is held at the groom's house, where an altar is set up in front of the house to appease the god of marriage.

More and more young Vietnamese people are enjoying honeymoons after their wedding days, and this is a boon to the domestic tourism industry, especially in romantic resorts such as Da Lat.

However, many couples will remain at home after their weddings, and call on the bride's family three days after the wedding. (VNS)